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Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
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12:53 pm - here we are again
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I'm back. Woohoo. I should be working on my paper for my online Psychology of Women class but instead I decided to treat you guys to an update.
This is the last week for most of my classes. I have a test in Physiological Psychology on Monday and then the comprehensive final Wednesday. Two big ol' tests two days apart. Awesome. My final for History and Systems of Psychology is online next Friday (25th) and I'm able to take my one and only test for Psychology Women between Thursday (24th) and Monday (28th). I'm feeling okay about all my classes EXCEPT stupid fucking History and Systems...Allow me to vent.
So this class is known to be extremely boring unless you're a big history buff. It's a lot of names, dates, theories, time lines, etc starting way back from Aristotle all the up to the present day. We were required to buy this big fatty book and the professor warned us it would be a lot of reading but that we'd survive. Well here is the thing...with most classes (or rather ALL the classes I've ever taken) especially when the topic is A. boring and B. filled to the brim with information the professor will give you an outline of his/her powerpoints, notes, etc to help when exam time comes around. You'll get the study guide, sit down with the book and their lecture notes and know where to pay most attention and what to just skim over. Well this fucking prof' doesn't do that. Not only does she not give us a copy of her lecture notes but she doesn't even have them to lecture off in class. So she just sits at the front of the class and we have to scramble as fast as we can to write down everything she says. The study guide is a joke. It basically says study everything AND she doesn't give it to us until the night before the exam. Why? Because she wants us to "learn it all..." and if she gives us the study guide too early then she knows "we'll only study for the study guide and not read the whole book..." DUH. That's the point of the study guide, is it not? The point is to help students weed out the unimportant information the text book gives and focus on the important stuff. Yeah. Not to mention, we've all concluded that the prof' hasn't taught before. We knew she hadn't taught this specific class which is bad enough but I don't think she has ever taught. She's a horrible teacher and gets very defensive when we complain about how poorly we're doing on the tests. Yesterday, a girl in my class mentioned that the exams are really tough for her because we don't cover all the stuff that will be on them in class. Sometimes we talk about things that aren't even in the book. This is the God's honest truth and I agreed with her. My Prof' on the other hand did not. She immediately got defensive and said we just weren't paying attention. Really? Hmm then last week when we spent the entire hour taking about standardized testing when the exam was going to be on chapters discussing Wundt & Darwin, that was important for us? In no way, shape, or form was there an inkling of questions on Standardized Testing, the WASL, SATs, ACTs, or anything even about school in general. Ugh. This is so frustrating. It's so frustrating to be in a class taught by someone who is learning the information along side you. She told us from the very beginning she'd never read the text book before so she was just going to follow along with us each week. Great. You're a big help, Prof'.
Whew. Anyway sorry I'm done venting hahah So my mom came out this last weekend to visit. She stayed in a hotel in Cle Elum the first night then with me the second night. On Saturday we went out to the pond to enjoy the lovely weather and have a little picnic lunch. Unfortunately for me, the sun and I just don't get along all that well. It's been a life long battle for us to enjoy each others company and this weekend it got me good. I managed to suffer from 2nd degree burns all over my entire body. Well...Not entire. There's a vivid line where my shorts were. And my stomach was minor in comparison to my back, arms and legs. This is the worst burn I've had in a very long time and trust me, I know burns. But this is like no burn I can even remember. It was horrific. I usually break out in hives from the sun (or just too much heat in general) but this year I didn't so I thought maybe I'd be okay...I was wrong. I'm feeling better today it's progressed to the itchy-hurt but Monday it was so bad I could barely walk. I've been on a large dose of Anti-Inflammatory and and burn cream since Saturday and I pray to God it'll be over soon. For the first time in days I was able to sleep the entire night without any pain so things are looking up.
( Here's the only decent picture I could get... )
Yeah...You can't see how red it is (So red it was mostly orange) but you can definitely see the contrast from where my bathing suit tie was...
So I guess I should just come out and say it...and I know a specific someone isn't going to be very happy to read this but...I hope this person understands that I'm making the decision because I feel in my heart it is the right one. JD and I are getting back together. Despite our issues we've struggled through over the last year and a half there's obviously something that keeps me having feelings for him. Something in my heart that is telling me it was all worth it. And right now, I'm a firm believer in our relationship and our feelings for one another. He has done a lot of changing and is still growing and changing and making his life healthier for himself which in turn is making our relationship flourish. I'm no fool. If I had any bad thoughts or feelings about this or us or what have you I wouldn't be still hanging onto this. This is the right thing for me. It feels right.
He's coming up this weekend with his Dad's truck to move my bed and desk back for me since next week is my last week in Ellensburg forever. I'm thinking I will be going back Thursday but I may wait until Friday after yoga. I still haven't decided but either way I'll be able to move everything back on my own once the bed and desk are gone this weekend. I'm so excited to move back home for good. This chapter is finally over and I'm excited to start my next one.
Ciao.
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| Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
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12:41 pm - It's me.
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Greetings. I know I know. Where the hell have I been, right? Well the thing is, I'm here staying in my ex boyfriend, Ajay's, apartment and for whatever lame ass reason the internet is all screwy. I'm paying for it. It's hooked up. It SHOULD be working. But I'm a modem short, or a cord shy or something. So I've been living this last month without internet. Shoot me. It actually hasn't been too bad. Every once in a while I'm able to go to Sherry's and work on homework or run down to campus to send off some emails. But I rarely go for enough time to update, thus the reason it's been so long since ya'll have heard from me. But here I am, I'm here now.
Sooooooo school's going alright. It's pretty intense during summer session so it's crammed and jammed with information that should take 9 week but instead we're only allowed 5. Lame. But we're all surviving alright. I'm getting decent grades and trying to keep up on all the reading. Only 2 weeks left before I'm officially FINISHED with Ellensburg. So exciting, indeed.
The weather has been absolutely spectacular lately. It's hot hot hot but it feels good to walk around and/or lay in for a while. My apartment stays relatively cool during the day and at night I open up all the windows, turn the fan on and let the cool air seep in to make it even cooler. Summer is treating me well this year. I've only been kinda burned once and I haven't broken out in hives in months. A lot of my time is spent either in class, at Sherry's house, or playing Tetris Attack with Keem. I was worried when I first moved into the apartment that I'd be so bored and lonely here in empty ghost town but surprisingly it's kind of been the opposite. I'm actually really enjoying the time here and am not so much looking forward to moving back home into my parent's again.
I need to find a job.
I need to get a loan.
I need to look for my own place.
I need to get a new kitten from Molly to entertain.
I need to get a little more tan.
I need I need I need....
Ciao.
P.s. Pigeons are dirty little birds and cleaning up after them is a stinky job. I'm thinking of training them to do it themselves.
current mood:  chipper
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| Saturday, June 14th, 2008
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4:29 pm - Goodbye home...
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Today is my last day back home before summer quarter starts back up again. My mom and I head out tomorrow late afternoon. I'm still not sure why she is even going I don't really NEED her to go but she volunteered and booked herself a hotel room a month ago so apparently she's invited herself.
I wish that this week had been a little more eventful, in all honesty. I've just been hanging out with really the same 3 people I am still friends with over here. It's hard to come back to for that very reason now. I know so few people now that I've been gone for 4 years that being home just seems kind of lonely. I did go on a date with an old friend of mine from a couple years back. We worked together at the YMCA summer camp in Gig Harbor and he always had a big ol' crush on me. We got ahold of eachother last Saturday so I went out to the bars and a party with him and a group of his friends. Even though I was sober and he was plastered drunk (before I even got there) we still had a great time. So the following Tuesday he took me out for dinner and a movie. Again, had another great time together. He makes me laugh like no other. I always remember him being a big ol' goofball and I love that about him. I don't think I've laughed that much in a long time. I don't know what's going to come of it, if anything, but it was really nice to get out of the house and kick it with someone new. Even though technically he's not NEW but he's very refreshing that's for sure.
So...Lame week but I suppose it was nice to relax and just take a load off before getting back to the grindstone. Blaw. It's still lame. I'm so burnt out on school I am dreading going to class. What's awesome though is my schedule is really light and sweet plus, I know profs are going to be super laid back about work with us being there over the summer. They don't want to work indoors any more than we do so it wont be too bad. I wonder how crazy the weather is going to get. I know lately it's been crappy as fuck just like it is over here but the last couple days the sun has finally been poking its head out. I like the weather over here better. It gets warm but not too hot unlike over in Ellensburg. I want to buy an air conditioner for my window while I'm over there to help with cooling the place down. My room is upstairs and I hate nothing more than to be too hot when I sleep. Makes me very cranky.
So anyway my classes this quarter are as follows:
Yoga: M,T&W----> 9:10-10:40
History & Systems: M-F----> 2:10-3:35
Physiological Psycholog: M&W-----> 3:50-6:50
Psychology of Women: Online
Not too bad eh? My thursday look pretty bad ass, I'd say. Oh and on top of classes I'm also going to be helping out Dr. Williams in her lab with caring for the birds. To know me, you must know I really dislike birds. I think they're nasty little things. And they're not very nice. Especially pigeons, which these are. It's one of the strangest jobs I've ever volunteered for but I do get 2 academic credits for it. I just have to dedicate like 1-2 hours a week to go in and make sure they're fed, watered and their room is clean. Oh...and I have to weigh them. That is the most hilarious part of it all. We have to turn off the lights, catch one, turn it upside down and place it head first into a plastic pitcher. Then we carry it out of the pod, into the main hallway to weigh it and make sure he's not getting too chub-o-lubby. It's hysterical to see their little feets and butt feathers stickin' up out of the mouth of the pitcher. hahahaha It's going to be an interesting job.
I plan on spending most of the summer (outside of class of course) battling on Tetris Attack with Keem, having beers on the shore of the river and floating to my hearts content. I'm actually a little excited to go back and get away from it all here at home. Emotional bullshit has filled this entire mini-break of mine and all I want to do is go to "my" apartment and enjoy some quality ALONE TIME. Ellensburg in the summer is pretty damn ghost-town like but that's just fine with me. Less traffic, less noise and more room at the bar. Holler-ation.
There's an update for ya. I'll be back soon *crosses fingers*.
CIAO!
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| Saturday, June 7th, 2008
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9:12 pm - It's been so long...
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I don't even know where to begin...
Classes are officially over for Spring Quarter. Summer quarter starts back up next Tuesday (16th)...I'm home at the parentals for now but this time next week I'll be back in Ellensburg in my unofficial apt (Ajay's) and rehanging all the clothes I just unpacked. I hate moving. I informed my parents after my huge move last friday/saturday I am never moving again. I will live in this house until the day I die. Okay that's a lie...but seriously. Moving fucking sucks. We did the whole shabang in less than 24 hours. It was hell. But, my roommates and I did such an amazing job cleaning and such that the landlords are only taking $30 out of our $335 deposit. So I will be getting that plus last months rent back once they do all the paperwork. That is around $720, my friends. And that is totally BAD ASS. I'm going to put that money away and save it for when I come back FOR GOOD to my hometown and start looking for a place of my own. I plan on at least being actively looking by September.
I passed all my classes.
I am still single.
I got my hair/bangs cut.
I am bored out of my mind.
I went shopping and splurged on some new clothes for myself.
I have a big crush on a boy who is a complete flake.
I wish my one real week back home was more exciting.
I get new contacts and glasses finally on monday.
I really want to sell my mini fridge, computer, and desk.
I can't wait to get my own apartment.
I am me.
That's all I can think of folks. Just wanted to drop in and let you guys know I'm still alive so you needn't worry.
-Amy
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| Sunday, May 18th, 2008
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2:06 pm - List...
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I've decided instead of long paragraph posts that take forever to read...I'll just start making some lists...not all the time but most of the time...just to save you some time...how's that sound this time? Want me to say time one more time just to make it clear that I don't want to waste too much of your valuable time..? hahahaha
1. If you can't tell already, I'm a little goof-ball-esque today...
2. The party last night went down smashingly...Everyone we wanted to come showed up and we all enjoyed ourselves...
3. We went to the bars after a while and I danced my heart out...I never though I'd actually enjoy dancing..Who knew?
4. The damn Taxis were busy when we were ready to leave...we kept calling and calling and calling but they never answered...so we all had to walk the 2 miles back home at two in the morning...
5. My feet hurt this morning...
6. But I'm not hung over which is an awesome plus...
7. Have my Learning retake tomorrow so I'm going to spend the rest of the day studying...blaw...
8. And I have an article review due as well so I'm going to have to fit that in somewhere...
9. The weather has been insanely hot the last couple days but today is kind of perfect...It's real windy (duh. it's Ellensburg) but the temperature is just right...
10. Other than that nothing new to report...But I promised I'd try to update sooner so here it is...
End. Of. List.
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| Thursday, May 15th, 2008
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9:23 pm - Where have I been all my life...?
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Look what the cat drug in....another post from Amy...lol...
Sorry it's been so long since my last update. I've just been going and going and going and going with all my school stuff I have this quarter. It's been pretty much never ending work since last week....My research team is running smoothly and our study, so far, has been going really well. Did I mention I was ina research team...? Oops...I don't think I did...we're studying Belongingness in Classical Conditioning with an Aversive Stimulus...lol...it's not important for you to know what that means...it is, however, important for ME to know what that means...and I do so don't worry! hahah ANYWAY, We've had a great turn out all of the days which is fantastic since we need a minimum of 30 people total to collect all our data...
Enough about school...It consumes my life enough I don't need to consume my LiveJournal as well!
Besides all that business everything else is fant-a-bulous...the weather today was more than beautiful. Ellensburg has finally shaken it's nasty weather off it's shoulder and the sun is rolling in. Today it reached to 86 degrees and they're predicting in the mid-90s for the weekend which is hotter than hell but amazing timing...The girls and I have planned our "Goodbye Ellensburg" party for Saturday night. Facebook event and all. I've been wanting to have us all get together and formally say goodbye to each other before Graduation since I won't be there (Depressing)...And since next weekend is Boozie's boyfriends graduation she wont be here and the weekend after that we're moving out so WE wont be here...this weekend was really the only time we had open for all of us to gather too many people into our house, drink too much alcohol (well maybe not me...but maybe me who knows...) and take way too many pictures...We were going to theme it (I voted for Hawaiian theme) but then we just figured fuck it, wear what you want, and love every minute of it...It really is starting to hit me that this chapter of my life is soon going to come to an end...Soon I will be waving goodbye to Ellensburg and college and starting my life as a full fledged adult...It's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time..I can't wait to not be a broke college student anymore...
As a part of my Sr. Assessment Seminar I'm forced to take before graduating we were each assigned an occupation that can be done with just a Bachelor's in Psychology...Which I think was very useful since not everyone is going to Grad School (ie- ME) and I had heard that the majority of this seminar was prep for Grad School...I got assigned Youth Counselor which is extremely ironic since that is something I've always said I wanted to do as an option after I graduate...After some research I've got a great start on what to look for once I'm out of this small college town...These last 4 years better pay off or I'm going to be pissed...lol...
Let's see let's see what else....JD and I started talking again last Monday (two weeks ago almost) and it totally fucked things all up...He began to talk to me CONSTANTLY all day long...which was nice and all that but then I started to realize "wait a damn second...A. I have nothing to talk about every 20 minutes! My life really just isn't that exciting...B. We're not together anymore so I don't have to talk to you this much anymore...and C. ANYMORE?! What the fuck am I saying, when we were together it was like pulling teeth to get you to give me a good morning...and now I can't get you to shut up?".....As much as I do enjoy talking to him (usually) and as much as we get along when we're not together (how the hell does that figure!?) it was just confusing things by talking so much...Originally when I broke it off with him I'd told him there was a possibility of us being friends again but I really was going to need some time apart to re-establish myself as a single woman...after 15 months of dating it had been a long time since I'd been that person. But then only 4 days after we broke up he started talking to me...So this whole time I still hadn't felt really SINGLE. With talking to him all day long it was like we were still together and I didn't want to be together...I wanted to move on. So finally yesterday I just snapped and told him I needed a break. A REAL BREAK. That yes, we could probably be friends in the future but right now I needed this time in my life (without him) to go and be myself and not have him in my head 24/7. I love him to pieces and he is a very special person to me but right now, we're not together, nor do I want us to be together and I want to go out and meet people and have fun and enjoy the summer and just BE ME. And who knows, meet a cute boy to flirt with guilt free....yum. I could tell he was upset (justifiably) by my decision but right now, it's my turn to be selfish...Yes, I realize that he's trying to show me he's attempting to change and that he CAN give me attention and affection and all that but...is it too little too late? Probably..
Anyway lol...enough of that too! I'm going to go study for my Learning exam tomorrow morning (procrastination is a valuable trait)...I hope to update again soon...if I'm not back on here in the next few days well..lol...just wait longer...
CIAO!
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2008
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11:47 am - Look up...
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Well another weekend come and gone...this one is a little more significant as it is the first weekend without JD here or me there....It was a little depressing to just lay in bed alone last night channel surfing with my cat...yet kind of fulfilling too...I know this is the right thing for me...I wont let this drag down my positive attitude...I hate when people do that...I can't stand people who focus on every negative thing going on in their life and just spend every minute of the day complaining about everything that's wrong with their life...I can't imagine living a life full of negative energy...no matter how unpleasant my life/world is at the moment I always find something to be happy about...and I'll be damned if I let others around me even know that I'm upset or in pain or what have you...I can't stand people who don't do the same...why waste your time on all the negative...? Find something to be happy about and run with it...nobody else wants to hear all your complaints...nobody wants to be negative with you...
Okay sorry for that bitch session...
I have my Learning Retake exam tomorrow....I took the first one on Friday but due to the downers that happened last week my mind just would not retain my studying...I tried to study for a few hours Thursday night but then I just gave up and banked on passing the retake which would give me a couple more days to study up...I ended up doing better than I thought but still failed it hahahaha...25.5/60...perf' just perf'....This prof' still just shocks me...Her study guides for each test are about 50 essay type question and 50 vocab for a test that only has 8 of those vocab and 8 of those vocab....I'm surprised she gets away with it but people pass them....that's why actually...despite all her negative feedback on her Evals' at the end of the quarter people leave this class with As...as shocking as that is...and hell I got an A on last weeks test so who am I to bitch hahahah
I'm looking forward to the dating scene again....is that totally ridiculous to say? Probably...but it's true...I'm looking forward to dating again and finding someone new who fits me better..I miss those "beginning butterflies"..those first couple weeks of discovery...I miss being twitterpaited...I just wish I was more of a "going out" type of girl...kind of hard to meet a new somebody when I'm layin' in bed playing with Molly Parker...hahaha must put that on my "to do" list...Get out of bed and meet people....I'm such a homebody...it's a much more relaxing way to live, I tell ya...
Most of my room is all packed up in boxes at this point...I'm slowly bringing more and more stuff home so the big move wont be so big...it's shitty I have to stay here over the summer for many reason but as far as moving goes it's shitty because I have to leave my bed and desk here in Ellensburg somewhere...I can't move into Ajay's apartment until the June 9th but we have to be out of our house May 31st..Not cool...My mom got me a hotel room for the 3rd and 4th since that will be finals week and I will still need to be here but will have no house to call my own...moving is so depressing to me...The Ellensburg chapter in my life will soon be closed...I won't necessarily miss Ellensburg (bumfuck town) but I'll miss the lifestyle and the people...this has been my world for 4 years...and even though I wont be officially graduating until Fall it's still pretty much the end of my college chapter...it's surreal to think about...I remember being a freshman and thinking senior year was an eternity away....but here I am...almost graduated with my degree in Counseling Psychology....whew...Mommy, WOW!, I'm a big kid now...
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| Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
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10:10 pm - Bad news bears...
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I ended my relationship with JD tonight..this time it's for good...I need things that he can't give me..not because he's a bad person...and not because he's an asshole boyfriend...just because he just doesn't have it in him...He needs to go find out what he needs in life to make himself happy...he needs to go take care of himself...and I need someone who is willing to take care of me...I mean not pamper and baby me but someone who really loves me and shows it every chance he gets...I don't think JD not loving me was ever an issue...I know he loves me...and I know he cares about me...but he just doesn't show it enough...
I'm not a needy girlfriend...but being long distance, like we were, it's usually just a given that you have to put more effort into making it work...I did everything for JD...I contorted and twisted my life around to make sure he was happy and make sure he always knew how important he and our relationship was to me...unfortunately he just didn't do it back...And I'm so tired...I'm all out of energy to keep trying...I'm tired of feeling like an obligation...instead of a privilege. I'm okay...this is the right thing for me to do..I need to go find that someone who is happy in life and can be happy in life with me...I'm such a happy, positive person I can't have someone who isn't the same way in my life anymore...
On top of all this...my dog Sergent Preston died on Monday...we're still not sure what happened but he had gotten out of the gate (for the millionth time) Sunday night around 11...my mom put him on the deck and closed the gate so he couldn't get down into the yard anymore...as usual he started howling and causing a scene...he was upset they were locking him up...Mom decided to try and give him some of his Doggy-Sedatives (usually reserved for 4th of July weekend because fireworks were the end all be all for him)....but when she gave him the medicine (buried in hotdogs) he immediately threw them up hotdog whole and all...this is also common for him..along with his high anxiety issues when he gets upset he throws up...so sensitive...anyway...so mom gave up on the medicine idea and just went to bed...and when she woke up in the morning he was dead...
His stomach was bloated to almost twice it's size...we thought maybe he'd gotten "bloat" from eating his dinner too fast but that's so uncommon for grown adult healthy well fed dogs...then we thought maybe when he was out he ate something bad...but he wasn't that kind of dog either...he was not a "eat everything in sight" kind of animal...so lastly, the only other thing we could think of, he hurt himself getting out the yard gate...he'd somehow managed to squeeze his 130 lbs threw about a 6 inch gate opening and we're afraid he may have ripped or torn something internally and bled out during the night...we can tell by the way his body was he had probably been in a lot of pain...I find comfort in the fact that his best friend, Sir Maxximillian, was there with him all night taking care of him...at least he wasn't alone...Maxx was with him when we found him...laying next to him licking and nudging his face and looking up at us with a look that read "he wont wake up...?" I lost it...he was my very favorite dog on this entire planet...he was MY dog...Sgt. Preston...the big ol' goon of a Blood Hound...When we first got him he was only 9 weeks old and he had so much excess skin it would roll over his eyes like dough so he couldn't see out of them...he'd trip over his own damn ears every 5 minutes...his death was devastating...to know our family is to know our animals are like blood relatives...they're like our kids...losing Preston was like losing a brother...and poor Maxx...Preston was his everything...and visa versa...he's going to be so lonely without his trusty sidekick...breaks my heart...
I'm having a bad week...best not to fuck with me...I'm broke...single...dogless...and stuck in bumfuck Ellensburg...I'm going to crawl into bed with a cheesy 80s chick flick and loads of junk food and pretend I'm the only person on the planet for the rest of the night century...
G'night.
current mood:  drained
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
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6:33 pm - Mason...
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My little brother (16 years old) got diagnosed with a horrible case of Mono a few months back. He was put on all sorts of meds and took a total of, I believe, 2 months out of school (not consecutively)... Now...to know me you must know my little brother and I have had quite the rocky relationship. For 6 years, I was the baby of the family and then here comes Mason. And, I'm sure, like any middle child, I resented him a lot for all the special privileges he got and basically, in both mine and my older brother's point of view, an easier childhood. See, Alex (I call him Augi) and I were raised only by my single mother for until she met my "step-dad" (who I NEVER refer to as step-dad...he's just Dad...or Papa depending on what I want at the time...lol) so our childhood was VERY different from Mason's. He was/is very spoiled and very doted on by my parents and especially my dad. Now, as an adult, I've come to completely accept that and I no longer resent him for it (after all, I was still the only girl so I wasn't too bad off) but to say the least, it's taken pretty much his whole life for us to have a positive relationship with eachother.
SO...
When he came down with mono at first I was sympathetic but as the weeks and weeks progressed that sympathy lessened. I began to think he was playing my parent's like a fiddle and getting out of school just to lay at home for no reason. Trust me, this isn't an unlikely assumption. And after all, Augi and I would have had to be bleeding out our ears to skip school especially as much as he did. But whatever, he was sick so he was sick...Well, the Mono bullshit apparently went away but most recently Mason has been getting these chronic headaches that have been completely knocking him out. Of course, I would like to assume that he's faking it but unfortunately for me I've seen these headaches at work and they really do a number over on the little guy. They have been happening since about January...
Finally, my parents took him back to the doctor to see if it was still Mono and they performed all sorts of tests (MRI, PET, Allergy Screen, etc etc) to try and find out what the hell is going on. At 16, the kid shouldn't be so sick STILL from the Mono (they assumed...still not sure about any of it...) The doctor's gave him some more meds', one of which being a migraine medication because he was starting to wonder if these headaches that were so chronic and so debilitating were actually migraines. Very reasonable idea even though he'd never had any headaches or migraines or anything before, doesn't necessarily mean he couldn't now.
As for the meds, he was told to take one (it dissolves under the tongue) when he first feels a headache/migraine coming on. Got the parents to sign the waiver so he could take them at school with the nurse and viola we thought he was good to go. WRONG. He hadn't had another headache/migraine until this morning. He went to the nurse and took his meds (under his tongue) and went back to class. About 15 minutes later he realized he was having a hard time breathing, was feeling really light headed and his throat was swelling...yup...you guessed it folks...he was allergic to the meds. He goes back to the nurse but she had left for the day so he had no choice but to go to the principal who then called the nurse at home who told him to call 911. The nurse called my mom who basically FLEW from her work (15 minutes away) to the school in 4 minutes. When she got there the parking lot was flooded with an ambulance, fire truck, cops, aids, you name it. She convinced them to let her drive him to the ER (she's not a big supporter of ambulances) and off they went.
She says he appears to be doing much better and they released him from the ER around 5:30 (that would make it about 7 hours at the hospital). He is all doped up and a little sore but he's okay. Scared the shit out of all of us I can tell you that much! I can only imagine what my mom thought when she pulled up to the school with all the EMTs and shit crowding up the parking lot. And poor Mason...I really do feel for the kid this time...How scary it must have been for him, a very sheltered and pampered 16 year old kid who probably had no idea what was happening to his body, all of a sudden realize is throat was swelling shut! I guess we can cross that medicine off the list as possible option...but hey at least his headache went away...
End of Story.
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| Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
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12:15 pm - Daydreaming...
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Well despite my last post complaining about the upcoming party to unfold at my house, I ended up having a fantastic time. A really fantastic time.
Here's the story...
All Friday night and most of Saturday day I was in quite a depressed funk. The situation with JD & I has been weighing on my mind so much it's causing me to get into my common "Sleep All Day and Mope All Night" phase...so I spent most of the weekend leading up to Boozie's party laying in bed feeling sorry for myself...it's a sad condition that my family (mostly the Carlson side) all suffer from...Depression I mean. I like to say "Depression runs in my family...but it doesn't mean I have to run with it.." However, being of the Psychology world I know sometimes it's not a matter of choice but rather just a plain ol' matter of what is running through my veins..It's a fact of life. See how it works for me is when I get depressed (and by that I mean really depressed...it takes that REALLY part to get me to actually react to it) Anyway...when I get really depressed I don't do things that would help me get out of my funk...I don't go out and hang out with friends or draw or paint or release pent up energy...I instead, envelope myself in depression and sadness...I listen to songs I know will make me cry, watch movies that will for sure bring me lower into my depressed state...I make myself cry on purpose...I get a sense of comfort and relief in being sad...it's a wierd thing. It doesn't happen often. Like I said it takes a lot to get me to that point but once I'm there I have no intentions of crawling out for a couple days unless forced to do so...This is all besides the point...
So this weekend was one of those said episodes...I just wanted to crawl into my bed and mope...But saturday night was creeping back into my head constantly and I dreaded it with every ounce of my being. I hated the idea of having to paint on a fake smile and go downstairs to act cheery and excited to see everyone...When I couldn't delay it anymore I started getting dressed...There was a theme to the party (as there usually always is) and this time it was "dress to your profession"...how lame. I'm a psych' major with a bad case of "hippy wardrobe"...What the fuck am I going to wear? I decided on a pair of CWU Sweatpants, a CWU Sweatshirt, flip flops, and a CWU Nalgene style water bottle...What's my profession? COLLEGE STUDENT. Duh. Perfect. What's even better is while wearing that outfit not only would I be comfortable during the party (probably the most comfortable one there) but ALSO when bedtime came I wouldn't even need to change...I could crawl right back into my little heaven and go right back to where I was before the party began.
I don't drink hardly ever. It doesn't suit me. I can't handle my booze nor do I like the taste of most (if not all) alcohol. People know me as the one carrying the corona at EVERY party and that it's been the same corona bottle for the last 2 hours. Well, since I was carrying around the CWU water bottle I decided to let Boozie fix me a drink in it so I could at least be drinking something...she warned me it had a lot of vodka in it (9 oz to be exact) but I made sure to remind her I would be carrying the same drink around for the rest of the night so she needn't worry...hahah wrong. For some reason, the second I got down there and began socializing and drinking my large mixed alcohol concoction I perked up ten fold and in less than an hour that drink was gone. So they made me another one. Needless to say, for someone who never drinks, I was wasted. And loving it. I don't remember the last time I actually got "drunk" and loved it. Usually I accidently get drunk and want nothing more but to NOT be drunk anymore. Not Saturday. They even convinced me (didn't take much persuading) to go get changed into some REAL clothes and go to the bars with them...So off I was to the bars (only my 3rd time going to the bars in my 4 years here) where I danced my heart out. I don't dance. I dance less than I drink. And I loved every minute of it. My legs STILL hurt from dancing so much that night...
All I kept hearing from everyone was "I can't believe you're here!!" or "I can't believe you came out with us this time!!" and of course "I'm so glad you're really partying!! This is monumental!!"
The night didn't END as nice as I would have liked. Of course, when you drink away your emotions they rarely STAY gone so once I got home and was alone in my bed again all I could think to do was drunk dial JD and have a much needed heart-to-heart...Bad. Decision. Very bad decision. I hate being drunk dialed...I hate even more to drunk dial people..We only ended up getting into a HUGE fight. He was very mad (for a very good reason not needed to mention here) and hung up on me. So I called him back...20 times...Leaving him multiple very NASTY voicemails...He refused to answer. Told me to go to bed and we'd talk when I was sober. I screamed "I may have had a little to drink tonight but I'm NOT THAT DRUNK!!!" hahahaha...isn't that what we all say...in the morning I was so embarrassed of my behavior. In between popping tylonel and throwing-up from my hangover, I apologized profusely for acting the way that I had. Bad Amy. Bad. Naughty , horrible, mean Amy...
Long story short...after a full Sunday of fighting, talking, reconciling, and loving...JD and I are finally, officially, back together. After 5 months of riding this confusing emotional rollercoaster ride of "middle ground" we've decided to just jump...and deal with the future when it's the present.
My legs hurt from dancing...my stomach is still playing games with me...and I swear I'm never drinking again.
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
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3:35 pm - Hello again...
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My mom's paying me a visit tonight...She has conferences all over the "East Side" this week starting tomorrow...So instead of driving the full 5(ish) hours tomorrow morning she's going to come half-way tonight (to my place...) and then drive the other half-way tomorrow...I'm actually kind of excited to have a little mommy-daughter slumber party. I guess, she's lucky that she has a scholarly daughter out here with her own house to crash at...I'm a blessing in more ways than one it appears... :-P
I'm lacking a lot of motivation lately...in school that is. I really need to stay focused this quarter and get my shit done but all I really want to do is stay home and NOT have to think. Must stay motivated must stay motivated must stay motivated must stay motivated...
This weekend is Suzette's birthday...she's having a party...at our house, of course. You know, moving into this house with Sherry and Suzette I never anticipated that our place would be the ultimate hot-spot for all parties to come. In the last two years we've had every one of our friend's birthday parties here, as well as, two Christmas Cocktail Parties and at least a handful "Random Special Occasion" parties...Now, none of these have been by my doing...or planning for that matter. In fact, neither of my birthdays have had parties here and rarely do any of my ACTUAL friends attend. I mean, I know most of the people who show up but they're not people who I would consider my friends...And in all honesty, I don't like parties. I like them even less when they're at my house. We've now set up a new rule (by WE I mean Sherry and I who live in the upstairs portion of the house) that NOBODY is allowed upstairs during the party. I mean NOBODY. We block off the stair case and inform people it's 100% off limits.
See...here's the thing. I'm not a partier. I mean sure I party on occassion but it's really rare occasions. I just don't really like getting wasted...I don't like going to bars or blacking out and laughing about it the next day...it's just not my gig..HOWEVER, Suzette is the complete opposite of that. She parties about every weekend and has been known to down a full bottle (by bottle I mean 5th) in a night and still live to tell the tale. Healthy? No. Amazing? Yes. For a teeny girl like her I'm quite amazed. Anyway because of her love for parties/partying she rarely keeps a watchful-motherly eye over our house. She's the social bee that's dancing or taking shots in the kitchen with a small cluster of people while the other 25 people are meandering and snooping about else where. And because of this behavior stuff has been stolen or ruined in the house. Especially in the upstairs portion where, again, Sherry and I live. Now...if these were MY friends partying I would have no choice but to blame it on my own irresponsibility and get over it. But since these are not my parties and not really my friends it gets more and more infuriating as the parties continue and the bullshit stealing or breaking continues. In my own opinion, if you are throwing a party it is YOUR responsibility to be the one that's making sure everything is copacetic, if you catch my drift. Thus, this is why the upstairs is now "NO PASS GO" zone. That way it's easier, for Suzette (who I have nicknamed 'Boozie') to keep an eye on everyone because everyones downstairs in her area.
What's also irritating about these parties for Sherry and I is that EVERYONE assumes throwing their party here will be okay because Suzette says so. If it's their birthday and they wanna have a big ol' bash they assume it'll be here. I know it's because we're one of the only houses (instead of an apt) in our group of friends but still...These people's apartments are big enough to have a party in just fine. Why they need to have them here is still a mystery to me...On top of them assuming, what these up-coming birthday folks usual do is post a "party invite" on Facebook and send it to all their friends...Sherry and I will also receive said invite. And USUALLY it's the first time we've even heard about a party.....at our own house. Not to mention on the invite it says "blaw blaw blaw come to my birthday! It's at Suzette's house"....notice it doesn't say "Suzette, Sherry and Amy's house"...just Suzette's house. That just makes my skin BOIL. Not only am I getting invited to a party via facebook at my own house BUT they're asshole enough to A. Assume it's okay just because Suz' said so AND B. not give the house it's proper name. I pay rent here too. I live here. Maybe I don't want a party here on Saturday night. Do I get to have that option? Apparently not...
Now, of course, this weekend is a completely different story. This is Suz's birthday so of course it's 100% fine that she has a party here. And now that all of our friends are over the age of 21 (or well over the age of 21 in my case) the party usually only goes on until about 11 o'clock and then off they all go to the bars. Which is great for me because I'm an old lady and by that time I'm ready for B-E-D...Unfortunately what goes along with that 11 o'clock departure is a 2 o'clock arrival BACK at the house...where SOMETIMES...not always but SOMETIMES that party re-establishes itself. I hope and pray that is not the case this coming Saturday or I'm afraid there will be hell to pay. There's nothing worse to me than settling into bed, with a warm kitty and a good movie and then being disrupted by very loud drunk people downstairs wanting to party some more. No, No my friends, you left and now you will leave again...party is over.
I can be such a party pooper sometimes and, you know, as much as I would love to not be on occasion....sometimes I get great joy in raining on drunk people's parade in my house...It's true...I'm a Cunt.
Okay I'm done venting...Off to clean up my room before my mom gets here and lectures me about "a clean living space"....hahaha
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| Thursday, March 27th, 2008
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8:48 pm - Week 1 down...
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Well almost anyway...I still have tomorrow to get through but it's not much of anything...Learning at 10 am and Learning Lab at noon...THEN I plan on heading home AGAIN for the weekend...Notice the word PLAN. As some freak of weather nature it has begun to SNOW not only here but on the west side as well. Which means that nice long road that connects this side to that side is more than likely ALSO getting snow. Our snow and their snow isn't really sticking so I'm hoping the pass snow isn't as well...
It's JD's birthday...that's why I'm coming home...Yes, that's right folks, despite that post a couple weeks ago about it being "over" it appears it is NOT over...Well...not entirely over...I dont know what the fuck it is. It's not over and it's not going....we're currently at a stand-still...again... But it is his 25th birthday and I would really like to celebrate it with him so...I'm going to try. His mom invited me to the family gathering to celebrate on Sunday afternoon...His family is so odd to me in that way...Odd in a good way, that is. See, they're all so close knit and family oriented that EVERY birthday is celebrated as a family. And by EVERY I mean EVERY...nephews...cousins...aunts...uncles...EVERY...And I don't mean "let's head to mom & dad's and have cake"...I mean all 20+ of them meet at Na-Na's (Grandma) and exchange gifts, eat a big family lunch and mingle like a family..it's so weird but in a very cute way. Anyway....I'm off topic...
Oh yeah, so I plan on going home tomorrow RIGHT after Lab. I'll just bring all my stuff with me and take off straight from class. I figure at 1 o'clock it's almost high noon and it should be at it's warmest so it's probably the best time to try out the passes....at least, I hope so.
Sidenote: An old high school friend of mine who I don't talk to much anymore is friends with me on MySpace. She got married while we were still in High School and had her first child within two years. She knew right off the bat that's what she wanted to do and that's awesome for her. Her first was a cute, chubby baby boy. Well, when the baby was about 6 or 7 months they decided to try for another baby. Tried and tried and tried and finally she got pregnant again. She kept posting all these little bulletins and blogs about how excited she was and how much she hoped for a girl blaw blaw blaw. She and I aren't that close anymore but I kept up with the updates because I found it to be just dripping with cuteness. Finally, it was "the month" to find out what the new babies sex was. She posted bulletin after bulletin "only 6 more days!! think pink!!" or "only 3 more days!! hope for a girl!!" and today, the day FINALLY came. "Only 10 more minutes and I'll be at the doctor finding out if it's a girl!!!" Again...dripping with cuteness...Well...unfortunately...The next bulletin she posted was not what anyone expected..
"I'm sorry to everyone I havent responded to about the sex of my baby. When we went to the doctor today we were informed that our baby didn't have a heart beat. We've talk to our doctor and have decided that sometime this next week, we'll be giving birth to our baby and that will be the time that we'll find out the sex. This is a very hard time for us and I want to thank everyone for their support. If you would like to know more you can email me and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you."
Oh man...My heart just DROPPED.... I don't know why I'm even posting about this on here but for whatever reason, even though she and I aren't that close anymore, this REALLY hit me hard...I sent my regards and all that wishing the best for her and her family but...my fucking god...I can not even begin to imagine what she and her husband must be going through...it really breaks my heart. To think of her this whole time being so excited to go to the doctor to find out the sex of her baby only to walk out not knowing the sex and instead knowing the baby died...And she was so far along already...To have to not only GET that news but to look down at the bulging tummy until next week knowing that poor baby didn't make it...*sighs*....it really touched me in a soft spot...her and her family are in my thoughts...
Sorry to end on such a sad note...but I had to write about it...
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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2:49 pm - Day 1 down...
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*sigh of relief*
The day is finally over. It was especially hard to wake up this morning for class....for many reasons...I will list them here...hahaha
Reason #1: The last week and a half I've been on a completely lazy-ass schedule usually waking up at noon most days...so an alarm-set wake-up call was especially heinous.
Reason #2: When I got home yesterday afternoon, I ate some lunch and shortly after got what I like to call "Full-Puppy-Syndrome" which occurs when your tummy is so full that immediately you can think of nothing else but sleeeeeep....so sleep I did. For 4 1/2 hours...hahaha Not the best plan, I must admit. So when bedtime was rolling closer I was wide awake....I had no choice but to down an Excedrin PM to help me sleep. (and to help my TMJ which I'll explain later)...
Reason #3: The Excedrin helped immensely. Within a half-hour I was zonked out in bed with Molly Parker to snuggle with...However, not only did it help me fall asleep...it also made it increasingly harder to wake-up once my alarm began to buzz. I literally has to PRY myself out of the covers...Lesson learned..NO MORE AFTERNOON NAPS....Maybe..hahaha
So I made it to class without a hitch. Here's this quarters schedule...
*Learning- 10-10:50 am- M, T, Th, F
*Senior Assessment- 11-11:50 am - T
*Learning Lab- 12-12:50 pm - M, W, F
*Intermediate Stats- 2-2:50 pm - M, T, W, Th
*Cognitive- 4-6:30 pm - M, W
Let's see...Today I had Learning, Sr. Assessment and Stats...Let's start from the beginning.
Learning will probably be the ultimate death of me. I've been warned about this class since day one of my Psych' Major and they warned correctly. The prof' is a total sweetheart. Very energetic and funny...however, she is a slave driver. She expects about 24 hours of work OUTSIDE of class in her classes (both lecture and lab).. That's fucking ridiculous. 100% uncalled for. But, it's required so I have no choice but to bite the damn bullet and just do it..I'm going to get a big white board and make myself a calender to remind me each day of what needs to be done. The work load is incredible for an undergraduate course. Should be interesting...
Sr. Assessment is a total crock...I have no idea why they decided we NEEDED this as a requirement for graduation. It's basically a "let's talk and reflect over the last 4 years" class with a side of half-assed work. I'm not intimidated. The worst part about it, as well, is its focus is mainly on those students who are continuing to Grad School. Which I am not...well...I MAY but I'm sure as hell not going straight from here to there...fuck that. So I'm afraid the class will be an even bigger waste of time for me. But oh well...it's required and it's an easy A so I'll live..
Stats' doesn't sound all that challenging either...unlike Intro Stats (from last quarter) there will be no calculations needed...we don't even need to bring our calculator to the tests. He's more interested in the "logic" and "what does it mean" portion of statistics..which I'm not quite sure if I like just quite yet. What was easy for me in Intro Stats is that as long as I got the formulas down I could answer each question...ask me WHY that question mattered and I'd give you the deer-in-headlights-stare..."Well, professor, it matters because I put it into my calculator and it came out with the right answer..." In this new class, it seems I may have to go a bit more in depth than that...Ask me how I like it in a couple weeks...
Tomorrow I get a taste of Cognitive...The Learning Lab was cancelled so I wont get to see how that is until Friday. I've had the Cognitive Prof before in Research Methods so I'm hoping I already have a head start on her teaching style and all that...but you never know. These University profs' can change on you at any time...they're tricky like that. hahaha
So besides school every thing's fine...Because I was wide awake last night I was able to clean the hell out of my room and do loads of laundry. I left the place in complete disarray before leaving on Spring Break so it was in dire need of a good cleaning...There's nothing better than falling asleep in a clean room...it brings peace to the place, I think.
That's about it really...nothing really else to say...I'm afraid this quarter that may be the over all theme..School will be my life and there will be little else to do/talk about...But I'm in high spirits about it considering it's my last quarter here in Ellensburg..I will need 2 more quarters to graduate but at least I won't be stuck here anymore as of June...That makes me happy :) and Keeps me motivated.
Oh wait, I told you I'd talk about my TMJ. I forgot...forgive me. lol Okay, so if you don't know what TMJ is it's a Temporo Mandibular Joint disorder..Which basically means there's some mild to severe pain in the joints/muscles of the jaw. I'm in the more Severe portion of the pain spectrum. The Dentist isn't quite sure WHY that is...we know it runs in my family but the pain has only just began to be debilitating within the last year or so...There are a number of ideas they have like my wisdom teeth being pulled (over a year & a half ago), some crowns that weren't fitted right, clenching due to stress, or all(and none) of the above. Whatever the reason, I've been referred to a specialist who is going to be able to better assess the treatment needed to help my pain...THOSE options include surgeries, mouth guards, medications (or "cocktails" of medications) and lastly, wait it out...I'd prefer none of the above but I don't know how much longer I can deal with the pain. It's gone from plain clicking to flat-out grinding sounds at the joint on my right side just below my ear..I can't open my mouth wide enough to eat a sandwich or a spoon full of cereal...And because of the chronic pain 24/7 it's began giving me migraines at least twice a week...the bottom line is, my mouth fucking sucks right now and there's not a whole lot I can do about it for the time being. Hence, taking the Excedrin last night not only was going to help me fall asleep but ALSO help me with the pain so I can stay asleep for a full night..lovely.
Anyway, didn't mean to complain for a full paragraph! Do forgive me again hehehe
Ciao!
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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7:09 pm
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Okay since You guys are having a rougher time than I thought on these quotes...maybe my movie choice is too advanced...hahahaha....but here you guys go with 15 more quotes to help you out...
1. "You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye."
2. "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age." Dazed & Confused...Tara got it...KINDA...
3. "This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there."
4. "Juice by Harry, juice by Harry, ohhhh Harry's got juice, Harry's got juice ohhhhhh Harry."
5. "Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame." Dirty Dancing...Way to go Tara.
6. "Thomas Wolfe once said you can't go home again. Well, that's great for old Tom. But he wasn't a chick who made a pact with her friends when she was twelve to get together whenever any one of them needed each other. So here I am driving back to my childhood home in Indiana a place I can tell you I never wanted to see again." Now & Then...I begrudgingly give this to Tara as well...although she doesn't deserve it. hahah
7. "You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump."
8. "You just bought yourself another Saturday."The Breakfast Club....Tara got it.
9. "So every asshole in Salt Lake City, and let me tell ya, plenty assholes in this general region, that wanna do a little of this, would get her drunk and put on some kind of stupid fucking accent like 'Ello mistress, do you fancy a shag?' And there she would, fuckin' knees to the sky."
10. "My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?" The Truth About Cats and Dogs...Solved by RedFireCracker.
11. "Do you leave a light on after bedtime? Because I get a little scared in the dark sometimes. If it's a strange place."
12. "My clients were caught completely by surprise. They thought they were getting arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna."
13. "The nerve of her! Coming here with your face!...I'd bite her nose off. Then she wouldn't look like you."
14. "Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Who Framed Roger Rabbit?...Tara also got this one.
15. "Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart? Was it our joined hands that finally lifted Maria's curse? I'd like to think so. But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can." Practical Magic...And miss Sixxie got this one.
Okay, hopefully you had better luck with these ones...tried to make 'em a little more obvious...
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| Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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11:12 pm - stolen from a stranger...
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I was randomly searching for new friends/readers and I fell upon this fun little game...
1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDB, and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING or using IMDB search functions.
Wanna play?....here goes nothin'....
1. "A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip. "
2. "Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes. "
3. "Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude. "
4. "Ah, it's not the same. They don't need me. I like the way I feel. I like thinking about the red dress and the television and you and your father. Now when I get the sun, I smile. "
5. "Oh, come on, ladies. God wouldn't have given you maracas if He didn't want you to shake 'em. "
6. "All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it... or a small hose... as long as it works."
7. " All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!"
8. "You just bought yourself another Saturday."...Tara got it.
9. "I didn't sell out son. I bought in. Keep that in mind."
10. "My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?" Solved by RedFireCracker..
11. "I couldn't help it, boss. I tried to take it back, but it was too late."
12. "Oh, a counter-offer. That's what we lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here. Get my ass kicked or collect $200. Let me think... I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you... nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred."
13. "Congratulations. In the history of this camp, that was the most infamous, the most disgusting, the most revolting display of hooliganism we have ever had."
14. "Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Tara also got this one..
15. "Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart? Was it our joined hands that finally lifted Maria's curse? I'd like to think so. But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can." And miss Sixxie got this one..
Alright folks....give it a shot...come on. It'll be fun!
current mood: amused
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| Monday, March 17th, 2008
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12:35 am - its over...
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We had the talk...JD & I...the much needed talk I might add...it's over...He can't give me what I want...and I can't make him change his mind...It was so hard, readers...so hard...We're 100% over...not because we don't love eachother...not because we don't care...not because we don't want to be together...but because I want kids...and he doesn't...and neither of us is changing our minds on that...*sighs*...I wish nothing but good things for that man...He is a great person...He deserves everything good that comes his way in the future...and I do hope one day he changes his mind...Not for me...but for himself...despite the fact that his father wasn't exactly the greatest father to him or his siblings...I know JD...and I know he'd make a great dad...I hope he gets to realize that one day...
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| Thursday, March 13th, 2008
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10:50 pm - it was fun for a while...
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Now it's only confusing...
Jd and I have been doing this "one-foot-over-the-line-and-the-other-foot-not" situation basically since we broke up the first week of December. And for a while, it was really nice. We got along 10x better..had way more fun..we were carefree and obligation free...I really liked it. And I still do but..
It's confusing now...
We've been carrying on like this for months and now it's to the point where I either want it to shove forward...or just be over..I want to have fun. Yes, of course. But I'm at the age and at the point in my life where I want a relationship that is fun BUT is also going to take me to the places I want to be. I want to be married. I want to be a mother. Not NOW obviously...but soon. I want to be there in 3 or 4 years...Call me crazy but I know that's where I want to be. And that's a good feeling for me to have. I'm not scared by it...I've accepted what my brain and heart are telling me..and that is, being a wife and mother is the next big step in my life.
Unfortunate thing is...Jd isn't sure he ever wants that. In fact, he says he's pretty sure he never wants kids. Which makes me sad...now I'm not sure if HE is the one I will want to take the big step with...that's something you figure out as more time passes but..I don't like KNOWING what my next step is..and being in a relationship that quite frankly, may never take me there. Not because we dont love eachother...and not because we don't get along...but because we want two different lives..and even THAT isn't set into stone. He MAY want that but...how long do I play this waiting game..? How long do I keep one foot over the line...while the other stays..?
It's fun. We are having a good time. We don't fight. We don't disagree. We don't feel obligated or needed to play "that role" but...at this point we've been playing the game so long that the line between our feet has become quite faded..I see very little difference between what we were before the first week of december...and what are now...Are we? Or aren't we..? Ugh.
Im rambling. Sorry. Just needed to vent.
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| Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
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4:55 pm - Alrighty...
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As promised, I'm posting again closer to my last update...I don't like change in routine so I thought about waiting another month as I've done before but what the hell...a little change never hurt.
One weekend come and gone..It went so fast. Although, lately, most of my weekends back home do...Sucks ass. I'm always constantly running around with hardly time to catch my breath. But at least I'm not bored...that's a plus.
My mom's surgery went well without a hitch..She was in at 7 am and home by 11 am...Which is sooner than they thought but she was 100% ready to be home. All weekend she laid in her recliner nestled in pillows and blankets while watching one cheesie chick flick after the other..she was in quite a bit of pain of but she's a tough broad...She went back to work for a half-day today and as far as I've been told she's doing fine being back on her feet again...Always good news..let's just hope she stays the fuck away from the Gym.
My final for Stats is either tomorrow (8 am) or Thursday (12 pm)...I haven't decided which I would prefer. I might as well just get it over with, bite the bullet, and get up at the butt-crack of dawn Wednesday...I'll think on it a little bit more.
I'm currently broker than fuck. I know I know...what a surprise...My current Checking Account Balance is $5.76....awesome...what's in my savings account you ask? $0.00 as per usual...I don't have enough money to live on as is..fuck that saving bullshit..Not sure what I'm going to do though...Gotta drive home again on Thursday...Wheres the gas gonna come from without the $$$...? Gooooood question....PLUS our bills are due and I am the dead beat roommate that can't pay her share of the bill..I hate playing the role. I really hate it.
I'm just bitching now. The passes were scary as shit to drive on...just glad I'm home safe and sound...I'm wiped out though so I'm gonna go lay down before unloading all my crap from the car...Thinking about putting in "Love Potion #9"...Sandra Bullock and Tate Donovan..can't go wrong there..
Ciao.
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| Friday, March 7th, 2008
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8:18 pm - The Friday-Five...
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1. Take the money and run or return the money and hope for a reward?
Probably return it...more than likely they wont know who it belongs to anyway and let me keep it. Sweet!
2. Pepperoni or sausage?
Sausage...Pepperoni is too spicy for my blood.
3. Fly or drive?
Drive...It's more of an adventure.
4. Read a book or surf the web?
Read a book...I'm addicted to a good book at least once sometimes twice a week.
5. Going to bed early or staying up late?
Definitely a night owl...
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| Thursday, March 6th, 2008
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1:49 pm - one down..two to go..
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I officially pulled an 86.6% out of my Psychology of Adolescents class. I'm satisfied.
Tomorrow is my biology final...if I get at least a 75% I will still walk away with a B...I'm satisfied.
Thursday (one week to the day) I will be taking my Stats final...I'm not quite Satisfied...ask me on Thursday.
Then this quarter will officially be over.
In other news:
I am in the worst possible mood right now. The most hated relative of all (Dear Aunt Flow) came to town and I just couldn't be any more cranky. Everything is pissing me off today. I just need to lock me door, turn on an old movie I can quote word-for-word and crawl into bed. Oh, and turn off my phone. No human contact whatsoever. 'Cause right now I hate the whole damn world.
I don't know if it's the visit from the trusty ,and I will admit...good-news-baring, relative OR a combination of drama that went down last night finally coming to a head in my brain. See, to know anything about my recent history, you'd read there's a group of people I used to associate with. One of which (Jeremey) is indeed my ex-boyfriend...well...actually...hahha let me rephrase...TWO of which (now add JD) are my ex-boyfriends...true story but a long one. Anyway, both men associate in relatively the same circle of "friends"...these "friends" are the lowest form of human waste I have ever come in contact with. They never went to school (post hs) and each have had only a string of dead-end jobs (lasting about 5 months before getting fired or quitting) since. They abuse drugs&alcohol on a daily basis. Backstab. Manipulate. Coerce. Deceive. Cheat. And Lie. They're criminals-of-the-soul by trade who've never been caught. Once known to be some of my closest buddies, over the years (especially since Jeremey and I ended our relationship...which we both believe they played a direct roll in...) they have shown more and more of their true colors. And they ain't pretty. Chartruese and mustard yellow combined to be exact. Ugly colors. Really ugly...
Anyway, for over a year now it's been one string of bad happenings after the other. The social normalcy of their friendships together basically consists of a "whose-cock-waggles-the-farthest" competition...a constant battle to be the leader of the pack..vroom vroom..one will do whatever it takes to get to the top of that totem pole...while the others will do whatever it takes to drag that one back down to the bottom...Jeremey, although not given the official crown, is believed to be the all-mighty leader by nature...and they HATE that. Well, this is all just background on the life-o-assholes..Jeremey and I, although went through a horrible awful no good break-up, have maintained a very strong friendship since. Rocky road, yes, but we're strong and undying in our love for eachother and we will not falter on that. Despite how much that drives everyone crazy. It is a fact. And SINCE these people have shown the colors they've shown, Jeremey is the only one from the group I still associate with. Previously I would still bite my tongue and grin&bare it in social gatherings with the rest of the Cock-Wagglers but I've since learned that is anything but healthy for my own psyche.
Then of course there is JD, who is my most recent "ex" who I am currently still dating just not in a monogamous relationship with...although...neither of us are dating other people...nor plan to...but the option is there if someone comes along. It's complicated but we're happy so it's fine. I got off topic...where was I...? Oh yes, JD, well because JD and I have been together for a while now (our one-year anniversary was yesterday, matter of fact) I had to grin & bare more than I would have liked. Since he too, on occasion, mingles in the Cock-Waggler-Association. However, I will say, what I always loved most about JD is that he was never a part of their games and hangs out with them only once or twice a month. He may have a temper but at least he has a soul. Most recently, I lost my dearest friend Michelle to this circle of piranhas. She began to date one of them. Because of the new found "love of her life" our 6 year friendship has since ended...sadly it was the most devestating experience I've had with these people.
Okay now you're up to date...so last night...like I said, they're Cock-Wagglers and do nothing but bite&gnaw their way to the top constantly (their weapon of choice is their mouths basically...their goal being to say whatever they can to turn one against the other...I've seen it more times than I can count with my own two eyes and let me tell ya...it's quite the trick. They're great at it too...) and last night was a prime example of said biting&gnawing. Here's the story...
Chris (Michelle's balding-tree God of a boyfriend) & Derek (his dead beat roommate) invited Jeremey over to hang out for the night. When Jeremey arrived at their apartment and knocked on the door nobody answered. Odd. So he decided to go around the back of the building to see if the two "men" are out on their 3rd story balcony having a smoke together and didn't hear the door. Off he goes through the shadows of the night around the building when he hears Dead-Beat-Derek talking...Before he could make his arrival known, Jeremey hears his own name fall from Dead-Beat-Derek's mouth. Low and behold, Jeremey discovered he'd walked into a full out bite&gnaw-to-the-top session. So, being the smart man he is, he listens quietly from the ground to the conversation going on 3 stories up. It went from a small spout about JD...to 3 other Cock-Wagglers in the group...to lastly a looooong spout on Jeremey... in less than two cigarettes. "Jeremey is gay (and by that I mean homosexual...)...he's controlling...he's a drug addict...He's molested children...he's from a family of tweek-heads which is why he is so crazy...he's pathetic...blaw blaw blaw..." then on to the next fellow friend and all his qualities that aren't up to Dead-Beat-Derek's standards...Seems that Dead-Beat-Derek wants to be on top this week. Jeremey stays till they go back inside the apartment, walks back to his car, and drives away. Sending Dead-Beat-Derek a text message letting him know he'd heard everything and to go fuck himself. A fight insues and before you know it, everyone in the group is involved. Who said what? Well what did he do back? Where did he go? Is he really gay? Who's gay? blaw...blaw...blaw...It lasted for HOURS...I talked to Jeremey..I talked to JD...I heard this...I heard that...finally I realized "wait a fucking second...I'M NOT EVEN A PART OF THIS GROUP ANYMORE!! Why am I in this right now?! This is the reason I LEFT THIS GROUP FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!" I am so tired of not being a part of the group but watching these situations go down where people I care about (Jeremey in particular) get hurt in the after math. It literally devestates me every time I hear more has been said and my dearest friend gets bit&gnawed on the most. I've been through it. It ruined a good 3 months of my life when the name of conversation was mine. For 3 straight months I heard nothing but the same bullshit-spewing-nonsense Dead-Beat-Derek was reenacting last night..I know how it feels. In fact...it kills.
Let me remind you...oh wait...I never told you...Well I will now...these Cock-Wagglers are all over the age of 25. I. Kid. You. Not. They are GROWN MEN. And this is just one example of the MANY that go down every month. These men are like a group of high school girls competing for Prom Queen. It's the most ridiculously nauseating and simply fucking embarrasing display on man-hood I've ever seen in my life. And like I said, it happens CONSTANTLY...I'm fed up with hearing about it. I love Jeremey and to him I will never lose contact but my fucking god I will be damned if I ever have to see these soul-less, spine-less, Cock-Waggling pieces of shit ever again. They are a disgrace to friends across the world. They all hate eachother. They all talk shit about eachother to get ahead in the group. And at the end of the day, they're all "best friends". It makes me sick. Now, I'm a girl...I fucking GET DRAMA. If anyone gets Drama, it's a girl. I get it. We all love it and hate it. But this goes beyond anything I've ever seen. It really does. And Michelle can go ahead and live her sorry existance away with them. She has become one of them. A girl so sweet and loving and giving has been converted into an evil, malicious, backstabbing, drug-using Metaphorical Cock-Waggler. I want no part in her life or ANY of their lives from here on out.
Okay sorry....
I had to vent...
And since I'm not like these people and I don't feel the need to spread the drama or carry on with the rumors of who said what to whom...Here was my only option. You all don't know these people. And get on your knees right now and thank God, or Ala, or the Holy-Goat in your backyard you've been blessed in that way. If only I'd been so lucky.
I'm getting into bed now...lol...thanks for reading :)
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